A Troller's Top 10 D Grayman Conspiracy Theories
by Dobby's Socks
Summary: Ever been up late at night thinking about a manga series?  Ever had suddenly irrational thoughts about said series come into your head and somehow rationalized the idea in your head?  These are several of those ideas.  this is what could but won't occur.
1. Chapter 1

**Yeah, so I wrote these one night in the delirium of college reading assignments for the Polka-Dotted Sock, and she wanted them published here in essay format. Keep in mind some of these (most of these… all of these…) are complete crack. Here it goes…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the series known as D. Gray-man or the characters. If did I would know why the series has that title, which I don't, and many of these theories would be null and void because they are extremely silly.**

_**A Troller's Top Ten D. Gray-man Conspiracy Theories to Spread On Online Forums:**_

1. Kanda is a cross-dresser. He really is a woman.

He's been called a woman so many times already, and considering he came back from the dead it is entirely possible that he could now be a woman. Alma came back as a man, so it's very possible for Kanda to come back as a woman. Also consider the fact that his mood swings are suddenly less moody (unless he's drunk…), and that odd captivating stare he gave Allen at the beginning of chapter 211… I've heard of Boy's Love before, but I honestly thought the cannon was KandaxAlma. Plus consider the number of times the guy is mistaken as a woman. I'm pretty sure most of my friends before reading the series thought Kanda was a woman after seeing only his picture.

2. Komui has a workhouse full of small orphans building his stupid robots.

He's had so many! He can't seriously be building those giant robots all by himself. Plus this is the nineteenth century! How are there robots and robotic Akuma when there are no cars, modern medicine, spaceships, or airplanes? I'm pretty sure the modern medicine would take priority over the robots. But then again, Komui is just insane, so he probably does not have any moral issues with forcing orphans to build his robots so he can get coffee from Lenalee.

3. Apocryphos just a giant Pacman.

He wants to eat Allen's innocence so that he can "protect the heart." That means he wants to eat Allen considering his innocence is part of his body. And it isn't just his arm anymore. Some of it is covering that hole in his heart too. The only way that can happen is if his mouth expands widely and he engulfs Allen whole.

4. The pope's plan is to have Apocryphos eat all the Innocence (I've been enjoying this innuendo in the series- can't imagine how that went down in the Funimation recording studio xD) so that he becomes really giant and then just drop it on the Millennium Earl. That should show him!

This relates to the Pacman theory of number 3. He's something that's made of innocence so it's likely that he feels an attachment to every piece. Considering how heavy most of the weapons are (eg. Lenalee's boots, Kanda's sword, Lavi's hammer- sometimes) this would make him a fantastically heavy object made of the light matter. The Noahs and the Akuma are made of dark matter, so it stands to reason the Earl is made of dark matter too. Since he seems to be abnormally fast for a guy his weight (unless it's a helium suit that he lets air out of to escape- now we're starting to make sense!) the best course of action is to drop something very large and very heavy on top of him. Thus the pope's plan is to have Apocryphos eat Allen so the other exorcists go after him. Then he'll eat all of their innocence too and become a giant block of innocence- the perfect weapon. As for the name of innocence, considering the innuendos it was bound to create, why was the word not translated into a cooler weapon sounding word? And anyone who has watched the Ouran bloopers can tell you how a certain Travis Willingham acts in the recording both sometimes…

5. Allen is Edward Elric in another life.

Don't tell me that no one else saw this coming. Just look at the two. Allen has a strange left arm. Edward has a strange left arm. Allen tried to bring a parent back from the dead. Edward tried to bring a parent back from the dead. Allen failed and got cursed. Edward failed and got cursed. Allen is on a mission to right his wrongs to atone with dead parental figure. Edward is on a journey to try to atone for his past sins. Allen is a child prodigy exorcist. Edward is a child prodigy alchemist. Allen has a teacher who kicks his butt. Edward has a teacher that hands his ass to him. Allen joins a fighting institution. Edward joins a fighting institution. Both have issues with a character voiced by Travis Willingham (sorry Travis). Both have abnormally large appetites. Both are short at the beginning. Both are fifteen years old. Both have a romantic interest who wears really short skirts. I'm just waiting for Alphonse to fall out of the sky and land on Allen at this point. Allen has no idea where he came from, so obviously Edward Elric fell through a vortex that shoved him into a another world and thus he began his life as Allen Walker.

6. Allen is the love child of the 14th and Road. Ew...

I actually saw this on a forum the other day… nearly died laughing. Anyhow there was that really dramatic scene in one of the more recent chapters where Lord Camelot (can't seem to recall his first name) is having someone beat up Lavi so Bookman will tell him what was the nature of the relationship between the 14th and Road (poor Lavi! Hang in there!) Bookman is holding out, so it must have been something rather intimate. The only conclusion that I can come up with is that Road was in love with the 14th. It has been said somewhere that Road can't remember almost anything about him, but the way she acts towards Allen who is the 14th reincarnated suggests that they may have been in some type of physical relationship. Considering that Allen being Edward Elric would be copyright infringement, the conclusion is that Allen is the son of the 14th and Road. This would explain why Allen and not some random drunken bum who was around when Neah died. One of the Noah took the baby away and wiped Road's memory and stuck him through one of the ark doors that accidentally placed him in the future.

7. Bookman is 7000 years old and knows everything about the past, so he knows how to stop the Earl but just won't tell anyone until he gets a pet panda.

This is quite possible. We know nothing about Bookman and he is so old that he has age spots around his eyes. There's a good chance that he's 7000 years old just like the Earl. That means he knows how everything went down the first time, so he knows what the solution to the current situation should be. However, he is a Bookman and doesn't pick sides. But one must also consider his soft side for Lavi no matter how much the kid annoys him. And what does Lavi call him that Bookman hates? Panda. The panda is the key to everything. Not only does Bookman appear in a couple panels dressed like a panda, but Lavi calls him old panda. This gets him really ticked off. Why might you ask? It's because he just really wants a panda. If they Order would just put a crowbar in their wallets and buy the guy a panda, he might be willing to bend the Bookman rules and tell them how to defeat the Earl and the Noahs.

8. The Noahs are mad because they aren't really Noah's "chosen ones". They really just have the mark of Cain and feel self conscious about it, so they make their robots with even sillier looking marks.

Okay, so for those who have read the Bible, you might be familiar with the story of Cain and Abel. It's in Genesis so I think it should be familiar to most people with a general knowledge on holy books. Anyhow after Cain kills Abel he gets this cursed mark on his forehead. That's right, his forehead, just like the Noahs. This mark keeps people from harming him as he wanders out in the desert cursed by God, and I think all of his descendents were supposed to have it too (I'm a bit rusty on that part). The Noah can't die so there's a good chance that their forehead marking is the mark of Cain. People in history who had strange marks on their foreheads were considered cursed by other people and were said to have "Cain's mark". Obviously after being reincarnated a couple times the Noah must have been getting tired of being ridiculed for those marks. To make themselves feel better they decided that their unfortunate creations- Akuma- would have to look even more ridiculous than they did. That's why their masks are painted all funny and have stars on their foreheads.

8.5. If an Akuma were to make a noise it would sound like a charging bull.

Please don't tell me I'm the only one who has ever thought of this. I mean, come one guys, some of them have horns! What would be more intimidating than to be walking down the bustling street of some nineteenth century village only to hear the noise of charging bulls coming from the sky and to look up and see flying robots with horns? I'd be scared to pieces!

9. Cross is Lavi from the future.

I know this one sounds weird, but hear it out. It's excellent trolling material and could possibly be true. Take a look at Lavi. He has red hair and an eye-patch over his right eye. Now take a look at General Cross. He has red hair and _we've never seen his right eye!_ I don't think it's some mere coincidence that two red-heads in the same series have not shown anyone the right side of their face. General Cross is obviously a time traveler from a terrible future who is doing everything he can to protect his friends while trying to stop the Earl.

10. If 9 is true, then Lenalee is Maria. (so much Lavi/Lenalee shipping in the anime)

My main support for this is the Lavi/Lenalee shipping that goes on as stated in the parentheses. The idea is that Maria is probably not just any woman. She was most likely someone that General Cross cared for, otherwise he would not be enchanting her dead corpse and using her innocence powers. Since Lavi seems to care for Lenalee greatly and no one has seen Maria's face, that means that Cross/Lavi is trying to hide Maria's identity because she's someone that _everyone already knows_. Maria is a parasite type which seems to be closely related to the crystalline form, therefore Lenalee is the only possible person who can fit all of these requirements.

**There you go guys. Use them as you will. Use them as trolls or if you found any of them interesting then use them as actual discussions. Maybe I'll recognize them on a forum someday. xD But seriously this story is not meant to insult the series. Just a product of an over exhausted mind and an underutilized imagination. Believe me, it's easier to make fun of something you like. ;)**

**The Invisible Sock**

**P.S. Reviews are nice. :3**


	2. Chapter 2

**It's finals week… and once again I cannot focus. XD So have no fear, trolling is here! Here are some more conspiracy theories I came up with while I was studying. Enjoy them! Also check out my new fic Requiem of the Golden Wheat, a chronicle of the Walker brothers and the boy who became General Cross Marian (General Marian Cross? Translations confuse me).**

**Ten More Conspiracy Theories to Post on D. Gray-man Forums or to Just Shock Your Friends With**

Mana's adult face (without clown make-up) is a troll face.

There is honestly no other logical explanation for why we haven't seen it yet **(okay there probably is)**. We've seen his back, we've seen him as a clown, and we've even seen him as a younger man/child/teenager! Sure Hoshino may just be trying to hide the fact that we've seen Mana's face before elsewhere, but if consider how many of the things we know about Mana that could be or is a lie then it makes sense that Mana is of the troll species.

When Lenalee gets her next new uniform she'll either be wearing a bikini or she'll suddenly have pants (finally!).

Lenalee's ever shortening skirts might be even more mind-boggling than Mana's lack of face. I mean, considering Lenalee is the heroine of the story, it would be more typical for her to be the ass-whooping tough girl. I could understand it if she was only the romantic interest, but a demon fighting soldier has to be tough. I don't think akuma are distracted by short skirts (Komui would be horrified), so I don't get why she wears them at all. Come on, even Miranda wears pants! It pushes Miranda up to first place in my best female character in D. Gray-man (seriously, she's the best plus I have issues with Road too). I wouldn't even care if Lenalee's pants were hot pink, she just needs to stop almost flashing the readership and become… awesome or something along those lines. Sadly, I have heard that Lenalee's shrinking skirt issue may be caused by the editor, so I am resigned to the fact that her next uniform could very likely be a bikini. -_-;

The first letter in Mana, Allen, and Neah spells out 'man'- it must mean something!

This can't be a coincidence **(it probably is)**! The Earl is fighting against mankind and Allen is fighting for it, so the three of them represent humanity's struggle against the Clan of Noah although all three of them are probably a part of it (that's at least what I'm getting from forums on the reverse novels). Or they could just be exceptionally ordinary to talk to (when not fighting in a holy war).

Neah trapped his soul in the tree in chapter 166 and then Allen the dog, but then back to the tree before the dog died, and then to Cosimo the other clown, and finally to Red/Allen because Cosimo turned out to be an idiot. Sucks to be Allen

I don't think Neah would have waited so long to be reincarnated. Thirty-some years is a very long time to wait, especially when your archenemy is still floating around the world holding onto a talking pink umbrella like Mary Poppins. From this it's logical that Allen got Neah's soul from something that touched him. A lot of people said it was the dog, but dogs don't live for more than fifteen years, give or take a little. That being said, the dog probably received Neah's memories from some long living organism like the tree. Neah, however, wanted to make his was to something a little smarter so he chose the dog for transport, but then realized it was old and dying and went back to the tree. Then he attempted to get a human host, but he didn't like Cosimo, therefore when Cosimo beat up little Red/Allen, Neah decided to make our little protagonist into his host. Thus it truly sucks to be Allen.

Allen is not only an exorcist, a Noah, and an alchemist; he's also an akuma, a mafia boss, and a boy wizard.

I've already explained the alchemist one in the first list. Allen must have been a mafia boss in a past life, considering how easily he learned to cheat at cards when he was traveling with Cross. The door guardian also saw something evil in Allen's eye when he first came, so it's quite possible that he's part akuma. That ups the stakes in that Allen is fighting to save his own kind! Allen is also based off a character from _Zone_, a one-shot by Hoshino in which Allen/Robin is an akuma. I figured that since Allen is already all of these things he might as well be a boy wizard too. It might explain his magical piano skills.

Sir Komulin will save the world- and then destroy it!

That robot means well, but he's just so evil. He'd do anything for Komui, including destroying the world. I could totally imagine Komui going crazy and asking Komulin to destroy mankind to keep Lenalee away from any man who might want to marry her. That or Komulin has another coffee accident and tries to put make-up on every living being on the planet, causing World War ½ (the two World Wars have not happened yet in this universe) and thus the world ends.

Miranda will win the lottery and quit her job as an exorcist to go live in Bermuda and be waited upon hand and foot.

She deserves no less. 'Lotto' is the German form of Bingo, so Miranda is obviously going to win the Lotto and become fabulously wealthy. Then she can stop running around after demons and live a happy peaceful life where she doesn't have to worry about having a job. This will significantly reduce any accidents caused by her clumsiness, plus she'll always get a full night's rest. In the end, it's a win-win situation (unless the Earl wins the war).

Road's true form is Nightmare Moon from My Little Pony Friendship is Magic.

Just look at the two of them side by side. Road even has dark purple hair in the anime! They look way too similar for them to not be the same person/pony. They are sadistic, cutesy, and evil little girls/ponies out to destroy the world and cast it under the gaze of night forever. Also, Road is the Noah of Dreams, which is awfully similar to nightmares.

The Heart will end up being Toma the Finder just because he's awesome and voiced by Mike McFarland.

Hoshino never writes anything that is too obvious. Who ever saw Allen being a Noah coming before Cross said it? I sure didn't. She likes to drop really microscopic hints that you don't see until after things become cannon. Most of our characters are much too obvious to be the Heart of Innocence, so the Heart must be with someone who is extremely ordinary. Here enters Toma the Finder. He has been with the series since the first major arc when Allen and Kanda go to Italy to retrieve Innocence from Lala the doll. Keep in mind that he's also voiced by a major producer of Funimation, Mike McFarland. He's done voices of many major characters like Estonia in Hetalia, Havoc in Fullmetal Alchemist, and blahblahblah. It is time for Mike to shine once again!

At the end everyone will be turned into plushies.

The series is called D. Gray-man. At one point it was said that the D stands for 'doll'. Plushies are a variety of doll, hence everyone is doomed to become plushies available at stores/anime conventions near you for around twenty dollars apiece. Get them today before they're snatched up by some other screaming fangirl!

**Alright, that's all I've got for now. XD Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I started this after Mr. Trololo died, but I didn't finish it until yesterday. Anyhow, here are more troll theories. Some are quite possible, others are completely random. Maybe someday I'll publish a fic with theories that actually make some sense. XD**

**Dobby's Imaginary Sock**

**Of Course There Are Ten More Theories! Sponsored by Chapter 214**

1. Johnny is wearing some Mithril just like Frodo- probably not going to die.  
>It would be much too obvious for Johnny to die. We all know that he's a world class klutz already, plus he did all that running and other stuff so that he could help Allen. His time hasn't come yet. Now if he had only been wearing Mithril on his head...<p>

2. Seeing as Johnny has chainmail, somebody must have given Kanda plot armor.  
>That stuff must be extra thick, and it's probably thanks to the fan girls. It seems the hotter you are- I mean, the more you are liked- the better your plot armor becomes. This stuff has saved him from certain death by hands of the plot dragon and even gave him a sword- no pun intended- to slay the plot with. Thus, we are now thrown into the apocalypse of the D. Gray-man world as we wait for the plot dragon to rise once again and finally move the story forwards. But seriously, I've heard that Hoshino had to completely rewrite the plot in order to bring back Kanda. Not cool guys.<p>

3. The panda is going to get it.  
>Considering that Johnny is too obvious, Chaoji is too far away, and Lavi actually has some sort of destiny I am afraid our dearly beloved Bookman is going to get the ax thus fulfilling what Cross told Allen. Here's why in the literary sense: Bookman is the only character in the series aside from the Earl, Road, and Cross who actually knew Neah. Cross is either dead or on vacation, Road's playing hooky, and the Earl's kind of the main villain, leaving only Bookman. Plus, Bookman knows Allen pretty well, so it would be pretty devastating for Allen once he learns that he killed the guy. This would also allow Lavi to move forward in the character sense and force him to decide once and for all whether he's allowed to care. I could also see Bookman dying in order to save Lavi (if anyone would want me to write this as an actual one shot, then send me a private message or leave a review). So sad, so cheesy, and so epic. Now for the fan reason: Bookman is old and wrinkly, thus his plot armor is not as think as the younger generation. He also hasn't ranked in the top ten for characters in recent polls making him totally expendable. I will miss you panda.<p>

4. The Noah are druids.  
>It finally makes sense! Did you guys see that conspiratorial greeting to the tree in the last chapter? It must be one of the Noah! My guess is that that is Road-tree. Anyhow, now for the real explanation. Druids are able to leave their tree bodies and look pretty much exactly like humans (at least from my reading experience they do). I don't believe that their human body can be killed, BUT it is possible to kill a druid by cutting down their tree. This explains why the Noah can obtain such grievous wounds but still walk around like they are okay. The whole solution then is to have the crazy swordax wielding general cut down every tree in the forest. All problems solved (except for global warming).

5. Kanda and Link are going to play tug-of-war with Allen/Neah.  
>They have different goals, but both of them involve Allen. It therefore makes sense that they will fight over Allen, which would start a match of tug-of-war because Allen would just run away from both of them if they started another ten chapter fight. During this fight they will somehow tear off Allen's Innocence-arm and it will sprout a new Allen while the other part becomes Neah! Then the fangirls will be happy because there will be <em>two<em>Allens now, making it kind of like a Hikaru and Kaoru situation minus the brotherly love aspect. Thus both of them will be happy and no one will have to be sad about Kanda or Link getting a dent in their plot armor.

6. Chaoji will become the new Wrath.  
>Since no character seems to be capable of actually being bad (except maybe Leverrier), Chaoji will have to be redeemed. That means that he'll have to come to an understanding with Allen, and the best way for this to happen would be for the two of them to be thrown in the same boat. Plus, Chaoji seems like a very angry individual who would chuck rocks or lightning or buildings or other objects at people.<p>

7. Timothy will kill Wisely by knocking heads.  
>Wisely has that extra eye(s?) in the middle of his forehead. Timothy has that weird Innocence bulb on his forehead. They're the perfect match. They'll be thrown into a cage-matchwrestling arena and just fight it out. Tykki will be taking bets as he watches the two clobber each other until Timothy just head-butts Wisely like Naruto did to Gaara back when Naruto still made some kind of sense. Wisely will die, Tykki will go all rage-face, and then Allen will probably save Timothy because that's just what Allen does.

8. Timcampy is really the Cave of Wonder from Aladdin.  
>Have you seen how big Timcampy can grow? I wouldn't be surprised if the Cave of Wonder, the Room of Requirement, the Shire, and Wonderland could all fit in there. It's like the Wardrobe in the Chronicles of Narnia. People don't think he can get any bigger BUT HE DOES! I personally believe that with some reconstructive surgery and some metal embellishment the Cave decided to go AWOL and become the floating golden golem we all know and love today.<p>

9. Allen will destroy the Earl's favorite cuckoo clock.  
>The Millennium Earl seems like the kind of guy who would own a cuckoo clock. He also seems like someone who would treasure said clock. They're crazy and annoying and the Earl is also crazy (and often annoying in my opinion: sorry guys, he's too much of a Gary Stu for me). Since he's so OP the only way to destroy him will be to destroy the thing he loves most: his clock. Thus, Allen will take out a giant sledgehammer (or just steal Lavi's) and smash it to bits.<p>

10. Allen will die at the end and then be reincarnated... as a zombie.  
>The dead cannot come back to life. We all know this thanks to this manga and Fullmetal Alchemist. It's just not possible. Hoshino has stated that this manga is a tragedy, and the most traditional form of a tragedy is that at least the main character will die, if not almost everyone. Anyhow, since everyone loves Allen so much, the science department will try to revive him, thus making him into a zombie. In the end, the Black Order will finally and <em>truly<em> be destroyed. The end.

**That's all for now. Please review!**


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